


A Matter of Trust

by The_Dark_Lady



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Adrien Agreste Needs Love, Adrien gives up his miraculous, Adrien-centric, Akumatized Chat Noir, Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Atelophobia, Depression, Distrust, Emotional Hurt, Episode: s02 Syren, F/M, Feelings, Hawk Moth is Gabriel Agreste, Helpless, Hurt, Insanity, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Loss of Trust, Mental Health Issues, Poor Adrien, Protect Adrien Agreste, Protective Chat Noir, Sad, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Sacrifice, Self-Worth Issues, Syren AU, Syren goes different from the canon. Because I'm totally frustrated by the episode, Trust Issues, Worthless, give up, meaningless, minor schizophrenia
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-10
Updated: 2018-10-28
Packaged: 2019-05-04 23:58:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14604609
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Dark_Lady/pseuds/The_Dark_Lady
Summary: He always knew there were things he had not been told, that he was not trusted enough. But, oh dear, how painful it was to experience the actual understanding.Like a pus-filled wound that now exploded.It felt too much... it was too much.Adrien can't bear it all anymore.What if Master Fu didn't appear in time?Chat Noir gave up his ring. He is no longer part of it. There is a limit to how many cracks one person can bear before he breaks.And from there everything can only deteriorate.





	1. Unnecessary

"Detransform me." A flash of green light and the black cat hero disappeared in favor of a blond fashion model.

Plagg flew out of the ring, turning his gaze towards his chosen, just to see him intending to remove his miraculous.

"Hey! Kid, what are you doing?" Called Plagg.

Adrien gave him a sad look, "No one tells me anything, I'm no one."

"That's not true."

Adrien didn't answer, just shook his head in silent sadness, dismissing the unconvincing denial of the kwami.

"Adrien." Warned Plagg. 

Adrien's gaze softened a little as he looked at the black kwami, apparently, for the last time.

"Goodbye, Plagg."

With a smooth movement he took the ring off his finger, leaving bare skin and a feeling of emptiness. The ring is back to its miraculous form, black as a dark night, and only the print of the green paw flickers like stars.

Plagg's gone.

Adrien closed his eyes and shook his head, taking a slightly shaky breath.

It's over.

He left the ring where he was standing, knowing that if, by chance, Ladybug was looking for him, she would find it. Maybe she'll could find a new Chat she'll could count on...

Perhaps not. She gets along fine on her own. She didn't need a partner... she never had a partner either. He never reached that level, and honestly, how could he blame her at all?

He was always a burden on her shoulders, he was not even a useful sidekick for her... with all that akumas that took control over him, with the number of times he fought against her...

And she managed to win every time. Him and the rest.

Adrien felt bad about himself, as he paddled toward his house in a empty green garbage can he had found beside one of the buildings..

Why was he so blind, why did he always deny the truth, live in fantasy and play hero, while he'd never was one? 

Ladybug does not hate him, she's too good for that. But how hard it was to admit to himself, even though he had known it for always, she did not like him. No, beside it. She doesn't really see him as a friend. He's just a stranger, like a co-worker. Two unrelated people who volunteer in the same institution.

That's all.

It was painful.

She trusted him even less than colleagues. She did not want to tell him anything.

It felt terrible. But that made sense.

She was the one that was really relevant, the only one that mattered. She knew it. He denied it.

She can fight without him. But he can't do anything without her...

So pathetic.

He would almost laugh at the absurdity of the situation, if he did not have the high urge to cry.

Or something was wrong with him. He let himself hope too much. His constant mistake. When would he learn not to be so naive?

He stopped the rowing for a moment and looked up at the sky, wishing the next holder wouldn't be a burden for her...

Maybe if she chose a partner herself, she would trust him more. Just as she trusted the fox... with him she had never agreed to reveal identity. Not his. Not hers. Not that of a heroine she already knew. Always telling that it was meant to protect them. But he was not completely blind, he understood... what could he expect?

He didn't know who gave them the miraculous, but he could do one plus one. He knew that Ladybug knew. From there she received the miraculous fox... whoever it was, he trusted her enough. They told her everything... as if he wasn't part of this circle. Well, she's the real heroine. He doesn't deserve to know anything... and that's true.

He is not part of all this anymore.

To be honest, he never was.

Adrien entered through of his window and sat on a floating chair, waiting for the water to soon disappear.

The time has come to stop playing games and fantasizing about heroism.

It was time to look at the truth in face.

He was unnecessary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I apologize for all the mistakes I have in English. This is not my language.
> 
> I still don't know if make it as a oneshot or a multichapters...
> 
> After episode 14, Syren, I just had to write it down.  
> The episode went very frustrating, but the interaction between Plagg and Adrien was great. Besides, I am glad that they showed us in the series that Adrien has little self-esteem problems (or at least that can be interpreted that way either).
> 
> I'm more than happy to hear comments and reviews.
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	2. Choices

Ladybug sat down on the roof of a random building and looked out over Paris's nocturnal streets.

A week had passed since the last time she saw Chat Noir. He had missed one akuma attack, not something big, but anyway.

She supposed he must be angry with her, but she could not help but feel that it was a irresponsible from his side.

Actually, she just could not believe her partner wouldn't appeare while the city has to be saved. Or was he just avoiding her? In any case, she could only guess and speculate, she had no more information. It's not that he left her any message...

"Well, he'll get a little angry and get over it," she muttered to herself, shrugging slightly.

For a long moment she sat, listening to the late sounds that disturbed the quiet night.

Her attention shifted to the huge billboard on the other side of the road, which made her sigh in dreaminess, staring at her love of life. "Adrien..."

She could spend hours sitting here. Ladybug sighed again, smiling stupidly, for no reason.

A shouts a few blocks away, roused her from her thoughts. Sighing, Ladybug hurried to the scene of the noise.

As expected, another akuma.

Ladybug shook her head in disbelief, almost midnight.

Seriously, Hawkmoth has nothing better to do now, like, say, go to bed?

The young heroine began to run to the hustle and bustle, opening her yo-yo and calling her stubborn partner, as she went.

"Chat, come on, it's enough to be offended, that's not the time..." she grumbled to herself in the quick gasps, when she was answered again unanswered. "I don't have time for your nonsense, when you decide to grow up a bit and try to do something, come and help."

Slamming her yo-yo tube, Ladybug shook her head with a breath, "That cat, how long will he still swell to himself?" She muttered rolling her eyes.

The battle did not last very long. Sometimes Ladybug really did not understand why Hawkmoth was making such useless akumas. After all, he sometimes does tough and dangerous generals, there were a few who managed to win only by a miracle, but this?

Ladybug exhaled contemptuously, as if he do it only to fulfill the duty of the villain.

She began to run on the roofs in silence, letting her blood go wild.

Rena Rouge has not yet received the absolutely miraculous. Why is Chat so angry about it? Well, she would have lied if she had said he had no reason, but the reaction was still exaggerated.

It's not her fault, after all. She just does what it takes to keep everyone safe. Life is not a game.

Ladybug kept on running, letting the light breeze entertain withering black-blue strands of hair, and hitting her flushed face with adrenaline rushing through her, while on a high jump she noticed a little gleam from a familiar place.

She pursed her eyes and bit her lip a little thoughtfully, changing her course and turning toward the place.

Her steps slowed as if in automatic drama, she came closer and knelt before the little object.

The black metal glinted faintly in the faint light of the moon, isolated from the city's cheerful lights.

Oh.

Ladybug turned the ring in her palm. Of course, there were thousands of copies of everything related to the heroes of Paris... But that was not the case.

The place was not one that could be mistaken, let alone the atmosphere and the situation... Oh.

The young heroine rose, cupping the ring in her fist.

So that's his choice?

Well, that's definitely no way to get a lady to talk. Fine.

She can not always be the heroine and think about others, she's just a girl. She also needs some time for her life. Damn it. If she wanted to, she could keep secrets, anything she wanted, no one would force or threaten her, for the sake of interest.

Without any further entanglements and in a thunderous silence, she immediately returned to her home, releasing her transformation before she landed safely on the terrace, and immediately charged into the hatch leading to her room.

"Marinette..." Tikki flew after her, trying in vain to catch her chosen and consider the situation.

"He made his choice." Marinette's tone was without any sympathy, indifferent.

"But-"

"No, Tikki, I'm sick of it. I can't stand all these demonstrations any more." Marinette's voice rose in octave, bursting with pressure and frustration buried, "Expecting too much from me, and I'm just a girl! Everyone wants me to listen to them, to do exactly what they want, so no. I cannot satisfy everyone..."

Tikki looked at her quietly as the child pursed her mouth, clearly frustrated, her blue eyes moving nervously around the room. Tikki knew it was a lot to digest for her, and that fatigue overwhelmed her.

After a few more seconds, Marinette turned off the light and went under the blanket, muttering something that could be interpreted as a dimly good night, leaving the dotted kwami to look at the long shadows of the darkened room.

"Good night, Marinette." Tikki muttered, long after her chosen had drifted into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I decided to continue the story.  
> I got a pretty interesting idea and I hope I can get it through writing as best I can. (Prepare for more abundance of angst and drama~)  
> Suggestions for improvement are always welcome.
> 
> Thank you very much for all your beautiful comments, you can not even imagine how pleasant it is for me to read each of your comments, how encouraging and motivational.  
> I am a perfectionist, very afraid to do something I will regret, even in writing. But I decided to try to restrain myself and continue, it is best to do at least something (I convince myself)... 
> 
> In any case, thanks to everyone who spends a few minutes on feedback, it's the happiest thing about me personally, it affects me so that I get into writing more and hurry on. 
> 
> Apart from that, I always find it very interesting to read people's opinions and expectations, what they think and prefer to happen next... 
> 
> Well, until the next time :)


	3. Alone

Adrien lay still on his bed. Staring at the ceiling with no attention and completely ignoring the alarm clock beside him, not noticing it enough to turn it off.

As he expected, Rena Rouge made another appearance. Ladybug took the villains down quickly and cleared everything. Not that he was surprised. It seems that lately not much really surprises him...

It was not even surprising when he saw Ladybug so cordial with Rena. Well, of course she likes her. She chose her.

Adrien sighed a little and turn on his side. How tired he was to put that smile on his face. But he did it anyway. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know... Sometimes he really understood Elsa.

In fact, he did not have the power to go to school, but he knew he couldn't miss. Like all the past week, just walk and smile, as he knew, no one noticed - it wasn't so different from the rest of the time. He didn't want to worry anyone... would anyone worry at all?

Adrien shook his head in a small gesture, trying in vain to ward off the frustrating thought that somehow found a way to sneak up behind his head anyway. Adrien give it, he decided to be honest with himself, didn't he?

Chloe was the only one who glanced suspiciously at him. She was a good friend despite what she let everyone think of her, but it just wasn't her business, the model smiled to her and solved it as a fatigue.

Adrien continued to smile. No matter how wrong it was, how incorrect. No matter how much he hated it. He continued. The smile was his hallmark, who he was. The golden boy whose life is perfect, the boy who always smiles... The smile was him.

Adrien wanted to throw up.

It was so erroneous. It was so stupid, distorted. Could anyone see through the cracks? Could anyone find out how unreal it was? Did the material was that good, that all the cracks were covered and there was no room for doubt?

Sometimes he just wanted to scream.

But he didn't dare. of course not.

So he just smiled instead.

Over and over again.

He'll just keep it. He managed to this day.

Looking at his reflection in the mirror, the model wondered how reality could be like that. Sometimes he wasn't sure who he was, the real person or just a transparency of himself...

He wasn't already sure who the real person was.

The absurdity of reality was merciless. It would smash you on the sharp rocks in a deep sea. Life always goes on. With you or without.

He stared at the reflection of the famous boy who was perfectly flawed. A soft, gentle smile costs his lips.

"Come on, kid, it's so stupid."

Adrien's eyes widened, at the familiar voice he didn't heard for a week. He turned, standing breathless in front of the words.

"Plagg?" He asked, almost apprehensively.

Opposite him, hovering in the air, the black kwami grinned, "Have you missed?"

Adrien closed his eyes and rubbed them hard, the wheels of his mind working fast and he couldn't understand the situation. It can't be. Opening his eyes, he stared at the place of the kwami.

It was empty.

Of course it was empty.

Adrien released a long, shaky breath that he didn't know he was holding.

All the whirling thoughts in his mind don't do him any good...

Only now noticing the alarm that was still on, he hurried to press the off button and leave the room.

He has to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. In the previous chapter I got a note that Marinette's behavior was uncharacteristic. I think I should explain it here.
> 
> Actually, it wasn't the selfishness that spoke from her. She was just really frustrated. Describe yourself instead her. She's also just human, not such a busy and miserable person as Adrien, but still.
> 
> She finds the ring and she just doesn't know how to react and what to do. Out of all the ambiguities, she chooses anger, because it is really much easier to find someone to blame for the commotion inside you.
> 
> It's true that in the series she is considerate. She's just a pretty nice type, not looking for quarrels. But tbh, when she has a reason to quarrel, she does it. If someone annoys her, she doesn't really consider her actions, as we saw in Antibug and Volpina...
> 
> Sometimes it's not even about anger. Just as she did not show up in Copycat, disappointing Tino, and went to steal Adrien's phone (which by the way was completely illegal and immoral act in every way).
> 
> Marinette often does not understand the consequences of her actions, or just ignores everything just to get what she wants or to let her emotions go. For example, in Gamer, she didn't even really think of allowing Max to compete until he becomes an akuma. All she thought about was that she could be on the team with Adrien. This desire exceeded any feeling of sympathy for her classmate, whose computer games were his main hobby.
> 
> Yes, Chloe made the most of akumas in the series. But if we notice, Marinette/Ladybug was definitely number two. With her feelings of anger and pride when she was just 'fed up with them', she caused a lot of akumas.
> 
> I don't very like how many people show Marinette as if she always afraid to disappoint people, always trying to consider everyone and so unsure of herself. She's not like that. And that is not necessarily a bad thing.  
> She is also not exactly what we might infer from the chapter. She is not selfish and self-absorbed, but she is definitely human. She usually thinks more about her desires and needs before she thinks about others.  
> Her empathy feelings are only opened when she actually sees the consequences of her actions.
> 
> I really hope that now the subject is a bit clearer. Sorry for this scroll ^^"
> 
> Besides, a huge thank you to everyone who finds the time to comment! You can't imagine how much you encourage me! I keep reading your nice comments over and over again~
> 
> PS. I'm really sorry that it took so long to update this, I hope I'll be able to write the next chapter soon (if anyone has any advice and ideas what they would like to see in the continue, don't hesitate to tell me).
> 
> Thanks for reading.


	4. Time goes by

"Earth to Adrien, hey, bro, are you with us?"

Adrien awoke from his thoughts and looked up at his classmate. He did not notice that Nino starting to talk to him. Nor did he notice that almost all the students had already left the class, or for the sake of interest, that it was three in the afternoon and the school day was over.

Blocked, "oh?" was all he suggested.

"Dude," Nino shook his head with a forgiving smile, "what's going on? You're out it all day."

"A-ah, no..." Adrien gave a faint laugh. "It's just fatigue," he said, covering a fake yawn with his hand that soon became to real.

He was really tired.

The day passed inertly. The hours flew by without a thing being recorded in his mind. He knew he should not let his grades slip, but he found it harder and harder. Things he had understood quickly, he could not achieve now... He looked down at the page of questions before him, only one solved question. And when did physics become so oppressive?

It was so hard to concentrate. He just could not find it in himself today.

"Does your dad leave you until late?" Nino inquired.

Adrien closed his eyes and nodded slightly, not even quite sure that this wasn't the real reason.

You would think that without all the burden and responsibility of Chat Noir on his shoulders, he would find more time and space for more things. But in some illogical way, all things seemed more complicated. His schedule seemed so confusing to him, and he just could not figure out how he'd ever managed to meet it.

His friend looked at him sympathetically. "Oh, dude, that's not cool."

The blond boy strained his brain for any answer, but nothing occurred to him. He just nodded again.

Nino's gaze stayed fixed on him for a few minutes, as if expecting for more movement. Adrien had no idea what it was supposed to be. His mind was completely empty, or was it too full? But he simply didn't have the strength to think. He just decided to ignore it.

Adrian turned his gaze back to the front of the class, just to come across Chloe's big face right in front of his face. He flinched. Wow, she was quiet. And when did she get so close?

"Adrikins," Chloe moved closer to him, leaning her stomach and elbows on the table and examining him critically, her lips pursing in indignation.

She froze him with a withering look.

"Speak." She commanded him in a tone that gave no room for argument.

Adrien stepped back a little, "Chloe..." He found his voice smaller than he expected.

The girl frowned, "No. Do not you dare to 'Chloe' me!"

Adrien paused and bit his lip, not sure what she was demanding of him.

She did not leave him wondering for a long time. As always she went straight to the point.

"What's happening to you?"

Chloe's question hung in the air for several long minutes, with no answer. Adrien's luck, Nino's voice intervened to save him, breaking the tense silence.

"Hey, Adrien, let's go ice-skating, there are attractions there today."

Adrien gave Chloe an apologetic look as he trailed after Nino pulling him to the exit.

The girl narrowed the corners of her eyes and exhaled loudly, "Fine," she said at last, "no problem." Her tone, obviously displeased, leaves her childhood friend with the feeling that the subject is likely to come up in the near future.

Adrien waved to her as he left the classroom with Nino.

Chloe stayed to look at the empty spot he'd left behind for a few more minutes.

Sighing, she took her bag and crossed the empty classroom for a long time. "Silly sunchild," she muttered under her nose in indignation, "just as always."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really sorry it took so long, and sorry that this chapter that short. It's really hard for me to convince myself to write lately, even though I want it...  
> I hope there are still people who read it and have not given up on me.  
> The next chapter has been already half written...
> 
> Thank you very much for all your beautiful comments, it was so nice to read them. Everyone of them. You make me feel so good! Someone even told me that it is his favorite fic in the fandom, I don't know what I did to deserve it ♥   
> Thank you all!


	5. Something is Wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Master Fu finally here.

Marinette didn't return the ring to Master Fu. She really wanted to. But it just did not work out. It was late at night and then she was too busy.

But she had to talk to him. And so she is here, first thing in the morning, standing in front of the little shop and repeating the things she is going to say.

And anyway, in some suspicious way, the cat miraculous remained locked in a safe drawer in her room.

She bit her lip thoughtfully, meeting the look of her kwami. Tikki was quieter than usual, from the morning all she did was look at her with huge blue eyes, as if following her chosen from a distance.

Marinette took a deep breath, smoothing her clenched hands into fists and raising her head.

She hands the little knob with too much force, "Come on." She said whether to the kwami or to herself.

"Hello, Ladybug." The hearty voice of a miraculouses guardian came from the depths of the shop. When she went inside, she found the old man picking out leaves of chamomile-mint tea. "Please, sit down."

Tikki flew to see Wayzz, but kept herself close to Marinette all the time. The young girl walked quietly and sat down on a cushion in front of the old man, "Master Fu..."

The old man smiled at her and handed her a cup of steaming tea. "Well, is something bothering you?"

"Well, yes." The bluenette moved the glass in her hand restlessly, suddenly finding the tea waves swirling in a particularly interesting face.

A single nod came from her interlocutor, as a sign that he was listening, but still, Marinette found herself at a loss for words, conflicting emotions raging within her.

As the silence lingered longer than expected, Master Fu picked up the tea pot and refilled his glass. "Maybe something about a black cat?" He asked casually, his voice calm and tranquillity as always.

The girl's head straightened up. Her lip is bowed with a mute question and an unreadable look can be seen from her eyes.

The old man returned her a secret look of his own, gesturing to her to continue.

"Yes!" The dam was breached. again. "He didn't show up and at first it was fine, even though he sulked to himself, but he also abandoned the ring, abandoned his duties, how could he do something so reckless and irresponsible!"

Master Fu sat motionless and nodded calmly, taking another sip of tea while the young heroine gasped and steamed.

"A little tea may relieve tension." The guard offered wisely and farmed on her full cup.

"Master!" Marinette screamed unbelievably. 

"I listen."

Marinette shook her head, clearly frustrated. Her eyes stare at him and her mouth moves, but no sound emerges.

In the end, the old man put down the jug, "Ladybug, you are the miraculous chosen. You are the right heroine, with all the falls and the raises, with all the responsibility." He looked at her seriously, "Same thing about Chat Noir."

Marinette cocked her head carefully, "So you're not going to take the miraculous?"

Master Fu smiled and shook his head.

The young heroine let out a quiet exhalation, a certain tension lifted from her shoulders. And still she felt a small handful rushing through her stomach.

"Is something else disturb you?" She didn't even notice that Tikki was hovering beside her, "Maybe that he's accusing you?" She asked in her quiet voice.

"No!" Marinette shouted at once in protest. "It's not about thinking at all."

But something moved on the edge of her mind. Tikki's words reminded her of a sentence her mother had told her before.

"A person can never be sure that he is doing the right thing." Her mother once told her, Marinette was still in kindergarten. Though she was small and no longer remembered what her mother was talking about, these words were in her mind deeply. "Only time will tell, when a topic continues to bother you, even though the deed has already been done, it is a sign that within you you know that it had a better solution, you just have to find it." Sabine's smile was warm and supportive, she kissed her daughter on the forehead, "I love you, sweetheart." Her voice is quiet and encouraging in every situation.

It took a long moment to Marinette return to the present. It was one of her favorite memories, the sense of peace and hope that only her mother could give her still continued to rise each time and were more precious than any riches.

Tikki is really similar to her mother. Actually, Marinette was really lucky. A small smile found its way into the girl's frowning face, silently reflecting.

It was the ring of the clock that finally broke the silence. Marinette glanced at the clock and leaped to her feet, her eyes wide open, "Nonono! I'm late!" Shrieked and ran to the door. Where she turned abruptly and went back to where she sat, quickly adjusting the pillow and bowing to the master, "Thank you for the tea." Before leaping into the street.

The door slammed, blocking the sight of the old man and the green kwami behind.

Master Fu stroked his beard, thoughtfully. Wayzz flew uncertainly beside him, "Master?"

Fu let out a long, knowing sigh. "It seems I have not judged right."

Wayzz was silent for a few minutes. "Do you want to convey the ring to another holder?"

The answer was not long in coming.

The guard shook his head. "No." He said evenly, "I trust the miraculous magic. And besides," he added a moment later, a hint of a smile on his face, "things tend to get along eventually."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Camomile-mint tea is my favorite. Almost as comments ;)


End file.
